Wrapping up the Holidays

Christmas is around the corner and I finally got around to wrapping my gifts. I actually finished my Christmas shopping on November 25th (thank you Amazon!) and it arrived on December 6th. When I opened the box today I realized that I'd purchased some gifts that I didn't remember buying. Oops!

This weekend was filled with lots of fun. I made marshmallows, some homemade mac n cheese, I baked a seasonal version of my mother's caramel bars, had a visit from old friends and went to a cookie party! Phew!

I was going to write a much longer, more detailed post but the baby is waking, the dog is attempting to each my dinner and I've got more important things to do tend to. So here's a little photo glimpse of the past few days.  Enjoy.

breastfeeding and all things boob.

When I first became pregnant I knew that I wanted to be a breastfeeding mother. My mom breastfed my siblings and I, an aunt of my breastfed her children. It just seemed like the right thing to do.

So when Sadie was born I immediately began breastfeeding and I was ecstatic with how easy it seemed. She seemed to latch on just fine by her second day, she seemed satisfied when she was done and I was feeling very pleased with myself. I loved the little expressions that she made right before she latched on and I loved the way she appeared drunk off milk and drift off to a deep slumber when she was done.

Things seemed perfect. How could anyone complain that this was difficult or uncomfortable. It seemed so simple.

Then my milk came in.

No one told me what it feels like when your milk comes in.

For those that are expecting or for those that wish to know, you feel like your boobs were taken from you and replaced with giant sized rocks. It hurts. There’s this intense pressure and the only way to remove all of that pressure is for your baby to feed. And feed. And feed. Of course your baby really only wants a few tablespoons at this time. And this is where the problems begin.

I became a fountain. My bra’s stunk of breast milk. I couldn’t find a breast pad that would absorb the downpour that my boobs created. I was changing my shirts several times a day. I was in pain. I felt gross. Sadie struggled with fire hose like stream that I was forcing down her throat. She cried. I cried. I got mastitis. Things were no longer easy and carefree. I could see why people give up on breastfeeding.

Eventually I got through it. There were days when Sadie just wouldn’t latch so I’d resort to pumping and feeding. There were days that I just stuck a cloth diaper down my shirt and changed it when it was too wet.

It seemed like I was one of those mothers with an over supply and oh, woe is me. I have too much milk.

Then I went back to work.

At first pumping was fine. I had a steady supply, I had a mini stash all ready saved up in the freezer. I seemed to be pumping about 13 ounces a day in two sessions. My baby had plenty to drink while I was gone and I was worry free.

Fast forward 4 weeks and all of a sudden I’m producing half the amount that I used to. I’m increasing my pumping sessions to 3 times a day and still struggling to keep enough milk in the fridge for her needs the following day. At this point I cried. I considered quitting my job. I thought about giving up. I wasn’t in the best space.

I ended up resorting to taking herbal supplements (fenugreek & fennel) and drinking fancy nursing mother’s teas. It seems to be working and I’m producing a decent supply but its still not where it was.

Why am I writing all of this? Because no one told me any of this. Today I came home from work and tried to nurse my baby but I had pumped an hour and a half ago so she wasn’t satisfied. I ended up going into my precious milk stash and warming up a bottle for her and feeding that way. It had me thinking how easy it would be to just bottle feed her and use formula. I could be one of those cool mom’s that has a bottle stashed in her purse, rather than the mom the smells of breast milk and has sore nipples.

But then I remember why I breastfeed. I breastfeed because I love the look on her face when she nurses, and I don’t get to see that look on her face when she’s sucking on a bottle. I breast feed because I really can’t afford to spend the $50+ a week it would cost to formula feed. I breast feed because it’s a heck of a lot easier to whip out my boob at midnight than stumble around the house to heat a bottle.


This definitely hasn’t been easy, and it’s definitely been emotionally exhausting, as well as physically exhausting. I’m not sure how long we’ll do this for, I’d like to do a year, but I’ve decided to just focus on getting through the month and see how things go. And hey, if we end up having to formula feed that will be okay too. I’ll do what I can, when I can, for how long I can.

sleigh bells ring..

Sadie has been growing in leaps and bounds. She's finally around 12lbs and now she can roll over and throw herself out of her bouncy chair. I was impressed by the first and not so much by the later (we've since been buckling her in).  Christmas is 10 days away and we didn't do our traditional level of decorating this year.  We simple put up the tree and put out a few mirrored abstract trees. The putting up and taking down of our Halloween decorations felt so time consuming that I couldn't imagine doing the same level of decorating this year that we've done in years past.



It seems like a lot of things are going unfinished as of late. Poor Ollie is LONG over due for a hair cut (he's going in on Monday, finally). My clothing remains in the dryer for hours, sometimes even days after it's done. I haven't cooked a decent meal in I don't know how long. And the over all cleaning and organization of my home is left in shambles.  I don't like living this way, but I can't seem to make the time to address these issues. When I have a moment to myself I much prefer to write, sip hot cocoa, catch up TV shows I've missed, read blogs, listen to music, and just relax. So I guess you can say my life is disorganized and messy by choice. Bleh.

Below is an example of what happens when your crazy kitty decides the space under the tree is the perfect place to play. At least Sadie is young enough she won't know the cat opened her present before she could.

While our home isn't as festive as I typically like, I'm trying to find other ways to embrace the holiday spirit. We listen to Christmas music every evening, I'm wearing more seasonal colors and lots of sparkle, and my manicures as of late are inspired by ornaments and ribbon candy.

Our environment may be messy and chaotic, but we still manage to relax and enjoy each other. My hopes for this weekend are to try this recipe as a special treat for the cookie party we're attending on Sunday, and to look up some easy, healthy recipes that I can prepare for next week. Wish me luck.

Happy Holidays.

slow down & relax

Slow down and relax.

This seems to be my mantra these days. I'm constantly trying to calm myself down, take deep breaths and just relax. I don't like to blog about my job, but I will add that things are getting busy there and I'm taking on more work which is causing me stress out a little too much.

I like to do things well. I'm a bit of a perfectionist. I'm also a control freak. I'm schedule driven and organized. For reasons beyond me I always end up working in jobs that are unpredictable and subject to frequent crisis. I guess other jobs just seem too boring. I'm not entirely sure.

So in an effort to relax Sadie and I are snuggling together every evening after I return home from work. I rock her. We watch Christmas movies. We listen to Christmas music while she takes her bath. When she's all clean and snoozing I take out my trashy magazine and drink hot chocolate (this is now my go-to drink since I've stopped enjoying a glass a wine).

When I think about relaxing and slowing down, I'm always drawn to images of simpler times. Watching an old 1940's movie this morning had me inspired. It's nice to see a home that's filled with music and laughter and games and not the sounds of a blaring TV and people glued to their mobile devices. The characters were off to an evening Christmas dance and then enjoyed a leisurely sleigh ride home.  A record was on and the characters were all enjoying the sound of talented voices, not audio-tuned pop stars.

I'm always drawn to the simplicity of things. I love cleaning out my house and getting rid of things I don't need. I really do enjoy those days when I don't turn on the TV or power up the computer and sit around listening to music. I like reading books by the light of our Christmas tree. I love the idea of saving money and not using shopping as a cure for boredom. Perhaps this is why I'm insistent on purchasing our daughter wooden toys made of simple design. I want her to have an imagination.

My life has changed for the better with the birth of Sadie and I find myself staying home more often, shopping far far less, and savings so much money. Who knew that the birth of a child would cause me to gain SO MUCH.

It's usually around this time of year that I start thinking about goals and resolutions for next year.  The majority of my goals are centered around keeping life simple, learning to go without and saving a lot of money.  I also want to make it a point to keep a photo album and not rely so much on the digital convenience of things.

So yes, my goals (again) for this year are be more simple, buy less and enjoy life more.

Tis the Season

My favorite season it quickly approaching and I couldn't be more excited! Every evening I'm listening to Christmas music (thank you She & Him) and getting geared up to watch Christmas movies. I usually like to start the season off with The Nightmare Before Xmas, as it's one of my favorites.  We recently downgraded our netflix account so I'll probably have to look into purchasing it this year.

The heats turned up and I'm snuggled on the couch with my little munchkin. We're watching lots of Harry Potter on ABC Family all the while searching the Internet for presents. My goal is to buy early and stay within my budget this year. Of course, I haven't really decided what that budget will be and both of my parents have birthdays in December which makes this month all the more expensive.

I have a feeling that the decorating process for Christmas this year is going to be scaled down quite a bit. I realized while taking down all of our Halloween decorations that it's far too much work with an infant. It looks like we'll just put the tree up this year.

Slow this train down...

I’ve been back at work for two weeks and I feel like I’m on “go” and just can’t slow down. My intent was to make a slow transition back into my position, but the needs, or demands rather, of the facility have made my plans vanish into thin air. I’m still working an abbreviated schedule for the time being, but I’m trying to squeeze 50 hours of work into 32 hours. In the past I would have stayed late and worked until I was completely caught up. Now, I have to be out of there by 2:40 so that I can pick my munchkin up before 3:15pm. That means I’m getting to work around 6:20am to squeeze in some extra work time.


After I pick up little Sadie and we head home it’s usually snuggle and nursing time. The moment she’s down for a nap I’m cleaning the house, paying bills, balancing our checking account, making lists of things that we need to pick up, and doing tons and tons of laundry. On a side note, my house is driving me nuts because it never feels clean lately. I manage to get one or two rooms clean, but never the entire home clean all at once.

Sadie does her bath at 8:30. She has her night time nursing and Dave and spend a little time together chatting or watching a show on demand.

I’m to bed by 10pm and then up again at 4:30am.

I feel so anxious about everything I’m taking on at work. I feel so much pressure to show them that my new schedule is going to work well for everyone. I feel so much pressure about doing my job well. And then there’s home: I want to be a great mother to Sadie, I want her interest and needs to come first; I want to be good wife to be to Dave, and still make time for one another; and I need to plan this wedding.

Is it possible to be great at your job and great as a mother? I feel like I’m already loosing points on the great mother scale by having her at daycare for 5 hours day. Sigh.

In an effort to relax, Sadie and I have some candles burning (safely of course), I’m slowing down to enjoy my dinner, and we’re going to snuggle and watch some trashy TV. The rest of the house work can wait until later (when Dave comes home - I left him the bathroom to clean).

The need to clean

I'm at this point right now where I just want to remove all additional clutter from my home. In order to achieve this, I want to (finally) organize our DVD collection, and weed through my book and CD collections. 

Don't get me wrong. I love owning CD's and LOVE owning books (I hate owning DVDS because I think it's far simpler to just rent a movie when you want to watch it rather than own it) but these items just don't make sense to keep around when you have such limited space.

A few weeks ago I did an overhaul of my closet and condensed my clothing collection from two closets to one. Now as I purchase new clothes I'm asking myself if I'm really going to wear this item a lot and if I believe it's really worth the money I'm spending on it. Will it wash well? Will I get a lot of wear out of it? Is it an item that fits my personal style or am I just trying to follow a trend.  I went through the same process with my shoes and was able to get my shoe collection down to just 12.

Once I'm able to clean out and de-clutter (this process also involves getting rid of silly knick knacks), I hope to re-organize our large walk in closet so that it can serve as a more functional storage space.

So much to do. Such big ideas. So little time.